I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
