My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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