yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
