I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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