im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
