he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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