I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
