i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
