You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
