and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
