Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
