I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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