Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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