i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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