Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
