The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
