Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
