just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
