just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
