If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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