what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You pole danced in your parka.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
