toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
