Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
