I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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