Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
