he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
