I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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