ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
