He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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