why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
