I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
