glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
