Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
