now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
