So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
