Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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