the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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