Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
