I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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