So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
