omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
People in love make me want to vomit
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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