Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
