there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
