Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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