24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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