I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
