My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
