i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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