Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
