I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
