Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
