it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
