He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
